To develop an indominable mind, we must begin by better understanding ourselves. Our mind has an active (consciousness) and a passive (automatic) component. Though the automatic thoughts and beliefs affect how we behave, we may not be aware of what they are and how they work. As such, they can dominate our mind without our awareness.

The first place to look is at Emotions.

What are Emotions?

In our rationality based society, emotion is often dismissed and degraded. People often say “s/he is being emotional” to suggest that those opinions are not to be considered. In actuality, emotion is a critical component of being human, and can provide insight into the unconscious workings of our mind.

While the actual biological mechanism of emotions are not fully understood, it is generally agreed that they evolved as survival mechanisms. Specifically, we can get a better understanding by looking at the emotions of anger and fear.

Anger and Fear: Fight or Flight

Anger and Fear trigger when we perceive a threat, and prepare us to act: either to get away from danger, or to destroy it. There have been studies and observations suggesting that angry/scared people become less patient and are more inclined to act rather than think.

In a physical survival environment, this state could be incredibly helpful to a prey animal when a predator is upon them. They either run or fight to protect their physical body.

But, you may ask: Why do I experience anger and fear when my life or physical body is not at risk?

Turns out, the defense mechanisms of fear/anger are also activated when we are metaphorically threatened. Specifically, when our needs are threatened.

The Connections between Needs and Emotions

Anger and Fear are triggered when we are physically in danger, and also metaphysically in danger: specifically if one of our needs is threatened.

The field of psychotherapy began in the 19th century looking to better understand the human mind. Over time, psychotherapists started to recognize patterns in their patients. These patterns described a inherent desire or need for a certain belief to be true. These “needs” were generally varied:

– the need to give and receive love,
– the need to belong and feel significant,
– the need to feel secure,
– the need to explore and learn,
– the need to create,
– the need for relationships,
– and the need to find purpose and meaning in life.

This later went on to inspire Abraham Maslow’s hierarchy of needs pyramid. While Maslow’s model as a whole is fairly controversial, the idea of attainment/denial of needs affecting people has accumulated a good deal of empirical evidence.

Specifically, later empirical research on theories (i.e. Self-Determination Theory) supports the idea that failure to achieve certain needs is heavily associated with depression. In the case of Self-Determination theory, three major categories of needs are identified:

• Autonomy: the feeling you’re choosing your behavior versus feeling controlled or compelled by others
• Competence: the feeling that you can be effective in the activity
• Relatedness: a feeling of connectedness and belonging with others

This suggests that when people feel that their autonomy, competence, or relatedness is threatened, they often become fearful or angry.

As a demonstration, imagine yourself in each of these scenarios:

1. You find out that the job you worked so hard to get on your own was actually worked out by your parents. They planned to simply let you feel like you got the job. How does that make you feel?
2. You’re cooking the perfect reverse-seared steak for the fiftieth time. Meanwhile your roommate hovers over you and comments that “you’re not supposed to do it that way.”
3. Your friends don’t invite you to a hangout that your other friends are invited to.

Did you feel frustrated or angry? In each of those three example, one of the needs we have was threatened, and perhaps you felt yourself getting angry even though there was no physical threat.

Needs and Other emotions

While we have been using Anger and Fear as our examples, this connection between emotions and needs applies to the other emotions as well:

1. If a need or want is or may be satisfied, you experience the various positive emotions such as joy, excitement, or satisfaction.
2. If a threat is present, you experience anger (ranging from irritation to rage) or fear (ranging from apprehension to panic).
3. If you encounter a loss, you experience sadness, grief, or depression, depending on the nature of the loss.

Of course, this is not the only situations when we would experience emotions, but it is a fairly reliable predictor.

Tracing Emotion to Needs

While Self-Determination Theory highlights some of the most common needs that people have (basically everyone will have some need for autonomy, competence, and relatedness), there are other “individualized needs” or expectations that we individually adopt.

Just as with the needs described before, the fulfillment, threat, or denial of these “individualized needs” also lead to emotional states.

One of the most important steps in developing an indominable mind is to explicitly unearth these implicit beliefs/thoughts/needs.

We can do this by tracing our emotions.

When we feel anger, we recognize “I’m feeling angry. This means that something about this situation (or how I am thinking about this situation) is threatening a need of mine.” From there, we consider possibilities until something seems right.

If you continue to work at this process, you’ll come to know yourself at a deeper level. You’ll recognize the “triggers” that cause sadness, happiness, anger, and fear. You’ll also be able to process and understand your emotions in a more effective way. Often the emotional confusion is the most difficult part to process.

You will slowly come to understand the phrase: “No one can make us feel angry. We can only let them.”

Finally, through this process, you’ll also realize that you’ve secretly adopted beliefs, thinking patterns, and individualized needs that are maladaptive. These unrealistic ideas can hold us back and harm us. It is critical for us to explicitly identify them and address them.